so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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