i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
