There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
