this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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