Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
