so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
