Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
