all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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