So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
