Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
