OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
