this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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