dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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