the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
