someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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