My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
