the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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