I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
