Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I only lived at night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
