Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
