'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
