That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
