David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
