We're facebook friends in real life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
