This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
