Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize