When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
