his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
