he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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