Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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