gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
