I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
