go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone came in the potted fern
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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