He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
