The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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