Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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