I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
