He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
