Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
