I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
