so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
