you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
