after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
