After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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