so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
