Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
