A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
