You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
