So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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