With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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