Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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