i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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