Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
